FACT: There are eighty bajillion people on the earth.

SECOND FACT: Five of those people are bound to look alike (including Asians!).

I've accepted that my facial features aren't that unique, but it's still disconcerting to see myself walk out of a coffee shop and then remember that I don't drink coffee. On the one hand, I have this idea that my doppelgangers and I share the same views of the world because we've been treated the same way based on our looks. And on the other hand, I'm one drink away from filing a restraining order against them.

1.  Michael Ian Black

In the early 1990's, people constantly told me that I looked like Michael Ian Black of The State. I kind of understood where they were coming from, but the comparison didn't sink my Battleship. In other words, I'm not really worried about being implicated in a Michael Ian Black mistaken-identity murder plot. In case ye be confused, District Attorney, I am the hunk on the right.

2.  Jeremy Davies

In 1992, a little movie called Spanking the Monkey rolled into five theaters, and the new bandwagon was to tell me that I looked like the guy in that movie who "fucked his mom." Luckily in 1998, a big ol' movie called Saving Private Ryan rolled into thousands of theaters starring Jeremy Davies as a war hero. This led people to tell me that they don't watch war films and that I look just like the guy in that movie who "fucked his mom."

3.  Spencer Krug

In more recent years, I've been at two concerts and had someone ask me if my name is Spencer, referring to Spencer Krug of the bands Wolf Parade and Sunset Rubdown. This is a silly stretch for people to make, but it's happened. Twice.

4.  Jarred Grimes

Jarred Grimes is the drummer for the band Throw Me the Statue. I saw them in concert recently and when Jarred started hitting his drum kit, I didn't just think that he looked like me. I thought it was me. Jarred and I talked a bit after the concert, which was basically raising our palms and then moving them around in a mirrored cicular motion. I was then escorted out of the club for asking, "So how much money did we make?"