Things We Hate, Vol. 3
by Sir Awesome & Sarah Brown
You know what I hate? When you go into the stall in the ladies' room and the person at the mirror starts a conversation with you. Uh, no. We are not doing this.
You know what I hate? When you exit a movie theater in the daytime, and you get a crippling blindness because the sun is about a million times brighter than it should be, so you just have to stand there because if you move, you might run into somebody or fall off a cliff or something.
You know what I hate? When people try to get on the train before letting me off. I have actually yelled at people for this before. Also, when people walk up the wrong side of
the subway steps. I refuse to move for these charlatans. Everyone knows you go to the right! Doesn't everyone know this, Sir Awesome? But the WORST is people who walk up the exit stairs and then STOP at the top and look around or pull out a map. Those people should either get out of the way of the exit or be shot in the mouth.
I would like to punch a big, fat stupid baby.
I would like to drink in a land before time. Also a land after time.
You know what I hate? That in oral hygiene commercials, the word "gingivitis" is always preceded by "the gum disease" as if we don't know what this fantastical sounding medical term means. It's like the lone black guy at an all white school. "You know, the black guy, Tyrone."