Things We Hate, Vol. 2
by Sir Awesome & Sarah Brown
You know what I hate? Blonde eyelashes. They freak me out. I mean, like, albinos are cool cause they can't help it. But everyone else needs to get to the Eckerd's mascara section.
You know what I hate? When you open a can of soda and pour it in a glass, and then when you drop an ice cube in, it doesn't fizz. Let's do our jobs here, soda!
You know what I hate? Ordering a CD online and when you open the jewel case, one or more of the teeth that hold the CD in the tray are broken. This seriously causes my skin to turn green and my muscles to swell so much that my clothes rip off of my body (except for, you know, down there). I want to find the person that sent it to me and say, “Fix it! No, I don't want a new one. Get out the superglue and fix it!”
You know what I hate? When people say "alls I know is." First of all, it is not plural. There is no plural of a word that means all-encompassing everything. Bend your mind around that, plebian! Secondly, you clearly don't even know one all, so shut up, Cletus.