Movie: Racing Stripes
January 12, 2005

If you've not seen the talking animal movie, Racing Stripes, you are missing out. It features a zebra; that's right, Dustin Hoffman and Whoopi Goldberg. See how I got all George Jefferson on your ass? Zing!

My favorite part, other than the fact that it gives David Spade a false sense that he's in demand, is the cast of actors who provide voices. For example, the voice of the hound dog was provided by Snoop Dogg. Get it? Just in case this connection went unnoticed because, say, your diaper needed changing, the credits fade in a picture of Snoop Dogg's face next to the hound dog. Success!

For further proof that the world's most juvenile method of casting is also the most appropriate, listen for Mandy Moore as Sandy the Horse. I rest my case.

When the movie ends, I contemplate the world; its mysteries and uncertainties. I am but one man. What contribution can I make to society? You want me to see Racing Stripes? Okay. For if I do not comply, the void may hurt actors' future endeavors. Jeff Foxworthy and Frankie Muniz may be forced to star in inferior movies or, worse, television shows. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thyne as the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever. Amen.

P.S. The zebra totally wins at the end.