Movie: From Justin To Kelly
August 28, 2003

I saw From Justin To Kelly.

More like From Justin To Smelly (props to Lady Awesome for cooking that one up). But seriously, the movie is gonorrhea.

When I heard about this movie starring people in bikinis, I sensed some real hand-down-my-pants magic. But those bonehead executives made the movie PG-rated and cast some real fuglies.

Apparently Justin and Kelly weren't playing themselves, but merely characters similar to themselves (props to the Netflix DVD sleeve for talking down to retards). With that said, the character similarly known as Justin “kissed” Kelly like he hated penises, and that saddened me. I wanted back the old cock-smucker that I know and love!

However, Kelly Clarkson (the actress) was pretty much dead on with portraying Kelly Clarkson (the character), making sure to keep her mouth open even when she wasn't talking. When she oozed that clear kind of saliva while unknowingly making the sound, “uh-guhhh,” I took notice and thought she could really have a career at acting.

But be warned; this movie is really not good. There was this one really cool part though, where your DVD will have a smudge on it, so Kelly is all walking along the beach, and then, in like half of a second, she's suddenly on the other side of the beach. That was pretty cool. Oh, and the part where Lady Awesome's dog licked my feet for eighty minutes was pretty sw—