Pizzeria Napkins Napkins at pizzerias, you are about to be taken to task. Listen up. Why are you so damn thin and dainty?! I don't know if you're absorbing the oil on my skin or what, but stop disintegrating upon contact. Twenty seconds after being pulled out of the dispenser you crumble into an unusable ball with holes that appear out of nowhere. ARG! I am so tired of your work ethic. Pizza is greasy. That's it's thing, so beef up already. Be a contributing member of society, please! Here's a math lesson for you. For every slice of pizzeria pizza, I require two normal adult-sized napkins. One for the messes as I eat the slice of pizza, and one for when I'm done eating so that I don't clean my hands with a messy napkin. Oh, I forgot the most important part of the equation. One normal adult-sized napkin equals fifteen pizzeria ass napkins. God Jesus why?! Do you even understand what I'm saying?! If I walk through that door (and you better pray that I don't) I am going to rip you and your anorexic brothers apart. Whether there's one or fifty of you in that damn dispenser, make no mistake, you will become paraplegic. It's a given.
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