Concert: The Pixies
October 14, 2004

I saw The Pixies.

The concert took place at The Fox Theater (Atlanta, GA), which is historic, yes. It is nicely decorated, yes. But the thing that really takes the cake is all the old people wearing cardigans who show you to your seat. That's what I'm talking about. Finally, the elderly does something for my ass.

The opening band came all the way from Ireland. They're called The Thrills, and not since Fuck has a band been more inaptly named. The Thrills boldly took the stage while the venue was at about 10% capacity. Someone who heard the band from the lobby might have assumed there were two keyboardists, but no. The fifth member of the band could play two keyboards at the same time. Had the public been properly informed, their audience could have risen to 11%.

Oh, there were these trees behind the band. “Trees?” you ask. Yes, trees. I don't want to say what these trees do yet, because it's totally awesome and worth the wait.

At one point the front man for The Thrills went out of his way to say that the next song is what it would sound like if you put Bruce Springsteen, Belle & Sebastian, and some banjo band in a blender*. The result sounded exactly as he described: crappy. In fact, it resembled all of the other songs they played, like today's gross Rod Stewart still trying to sing his well-tempered songs of yesteryear. When they were done with their set, The Thrills thanked the crowd for not using up all the energy in the room and then promptly swept themselves into a pile in the corner.

The Pixies finally walked out and started singing or doing whatever it is I paid money to see them do. Then out of nowhere, lights start lighting up FROM THE STAGE!

“But wait... Where from?” Dude, I'm telling you. FROM THE STAGE! Lights were lit and they totally came from those trees I mentioned earlier. I forgot to mention that there were lights on some of the limbs, but still, it was a doozy! Sometimes the lights on the trees sparkled. Sometimes they strobed. And every now and then, red lights would turn into blue lights. Do you see what I'm saying? These trees were awesome and worth Ticketmaster's ass fee alone. People are going to be talking about these tree lights for a long time.

Halfway through the show, this joker seated next to me started freaking out. His body did things that I've never seen anyone do before, like a fat Vishnu. It was then that I began worrying that if The Fox Theater had to serve as a bomb shelter for some reason, and I was stuck with these people in a society, that I was going to be very unhappy. I mean, I understand freaking out, but the trees lights had already been shining for a good forty-five minutes at that point.

Eventually The Pixies covered all of the material from both of their albums. They thanked the crowd for coming and then put their instruments down. Oddly, the band didn't leave the stage. Meanwhile, guitar techs came out to tune the instruments.

“Let's get out of here,” I said. “Looks like they're not going to do an encore.”

And just as Lady Awesome and I were about to split, The Pixies decided to rip into the one song that they didn't already play from their roster. It was that one hit song, and boy was the audience's face red when we realized that we had forgotten all about it.

The show finally ended and I felt really good. -- Then after we left, I saw that I didn't get a ticket for parking in a handicap spot and felt even better.


* I don't care what happens to the other two, but at least let me sell the banjo on eBay, dude.