Commercial: Water Balloon, You're In Trouble
March 30, 2007

A new street gang with bladder control problems has moved to the 'hood, and they plan to drizzle all over the Pipe People's turf.

The commercial begins in a white-washed neighborhood. Out from behind a white door of a whitestone apartment bounces an orange water balloon. The drunk ad-makers are clearly thinking outside the box, because already I'm impressed that 1) a spherical object can grasp a doorknob; and 2) a colored balloon resides in the whitest part of town.

What our plump buddy lacks in eyeballs and working organs, he makes up for with vulnerability. For seemingly no reason at all, Orangey's water breaks, and his shit leaks everywhere. Did he have too much of a blow job? He wishes. Watch the commercial closely. Orangey gushes himself at the exact moment a hot BILF crossed his path. Tsk. If only he hadn't recently had his tube tied.

That was a really cool five-second commercial. I thought so, too, but then the glue-sniffing ad-makers blow your mind a second time. The commercial rewinds! Orangey sucks up the liquid that for some reason wasn't yellow, and through the magic of God and Scotch tape, he is whole again. Yes, Orangey has been given a second chance at life, so he does what any balloon brought back from the dead would do to let off some pressure; he goes to the mall cineplex. Why the hell would he do that? He may be a zombie balloon, but he's still got static electricity to discharge.

Based on the movie poster for Life, Less Interrupted, the crackhead ad-makers for Enablex are interested in a more bloated demographic. Good thinking. There's no better place to pick up a lady balloon than a chick flick. Dude, I don't know. I thought this water balloon gang was going to rust up the Pipe People, but it turns out selling bladder control medicine is just a pissing contest. I hate to burst Enablex's bubble, but my allegience is with Vesicare and the Pipe People. Godspeed, Orangey. If you do find a lady to rub against, just make sure to wear a wear more rubber.