Commercial: Godzilla Causes Diarrhea
November 23, 2004

Sir Awesome has a new favorite commercial. For those who were not watching All My Children at 1:14 p.m., allow me to set the scene:

A lady is sunbathing at the beach or perhaps backdrop six at the Sears photo department. Either way, she looks totally happy about soaking up some ultraviolet radiation until [dun dun dun] diarrhea strikes. The slushy flume ride going on inside of her is conveyed to the audience by showing, who else, Godzilla. He's in her stomach amongst all those vital organs, and he is totally fucking shit up.

The lady clenches her bowels and looks onward, apparently contemplating whether or not to use the giant ocean as her emergency toilet. She ultimately decides not to gunk up the purity of the clean ocean and instead turns to her sunbathing acquaintance. Is he her husband? No way. Gay brother? Getting warmer. He gives her some pills from his knapsack, which she consumes without looking. The man then makes a note to himself that reads, "Next time -- Ex-Lax -- Funnier."

The woman begins to smile, which either means the diarrhea has vanished or the roofies the man gave her are starting to work. The commercial ends with one last glimpse inside the sunbather's intestinal region. The lady-runs have indeed been tamed as evident from more stock footage of Godzilla, only this time he is on a suicidal mission, submerging himself into the ocean to provide underwater fauna some much needed nutrients. Diarrhea... Nature's insurance that that food chain works.